think

I think we ought to be responsible for what we learn.. even from our own church too. Process it. Think it through. Ask the question: why? Check it with the word of God. Pray. If it is good, internalize it and let it build us up.

I'm quite saddened sometimes to talk to people accept all things being told to them, esp in my church. (I'm not dissing my church) I believe we should at the least give a quick thought to what we are feeding our mind. Take for example this:-

One of the biggest joke about humility is this: if you say you're humble then you're not. I have heard this joke a couple times in church.

Really?

What a warp sense of truth.

Number 12:3 Now the man Moses was very humble, more so than any man on the face of the earth.

Except that Moses was himself the author of the first 5 books of the bible. And if u read number 12, moses is really telling the story of how the Lord helped him in a power struggle situation. Telling the story of how humble he is. (can you stand a guy telling you a story about how he won because he was so so so so so great? we have Moses here... think about it.)

being a Man pt 1

It is unusual for 2 guys to be able to site down and talk about their ideas, passions, heartaches and fear. Even more so, for 2 guys to talk until dawn about such things. Last night was such a night where I'm blessed to hear the heart cry of a brother.

We talked about so many things but the more we talked, the more I was awed by the mighty mighty things the Lord had done and is still doing to our lives. The topic of our conversation cicled around the book - wild at heart - it's a book about being a MAN.

Now, I haven't read that book yet but I have a feeling now I'm gonna enjoy reading. My friend, Lionel was sharing so much from the book that, I pretty much have a good summary of it now

I can't remember how we started talk about it but recent happenings like finding out that a few of my buddies - those i know from high school times - are in homosexual relationships. The reflection on my own relationship with my father, with my gf... etc has lead me to ponder upon that questions for many nights. I ask myself what is a REAL MAN - god's prespective.

It proved to be a difficult thing to answer these days. "Where have all the real man gone?" (don't u often hear that in Oprah show?)

On magazines, real men knows what to do in bed. 10 steps to get her coming for more.... and more.... real men are hunks- big lean sex machines! (yeah we all love to think that we are) and depending on magazines, some say guys should be the senstivie new age guy who is sensitive to your every needs(that means good sex, good pampering after that and good food too), or that metro-guy who knows how to take care of their looks and stuff -- really i can't remember the spelling. How about the rockstar guy, messy, don't gives a shit but so damn enigmatic. Chick digs him.

If you ain't got the MOJO - you ain't have it going dude.

And what about the church thinks real man are? do they smoke? do they swear? do they drink? do they pretend not to check out the really hot chicks with legs to heaven that just walk past them? do they come for all the prayer meets? are they sensible at all times, polite and soft-spoken? are these the qualities of a real man? are these the values of real men? Are church producing mere - Nice boys or REAL men?

busy busy week

I haven't got much time to put a new post in my blog. However, I thought that if I don't do it, my interest will just eventually fizzle out. Die a natural death.

There was a couple of good 'blog' incident last week, im gonna jot them down here so that the lessons leaves an imprint in my mind.

Olympics. I haven't got much time to watch the games but when I do, I admire the athelets body. Great Bods there man! I don't just mean the beach volley ball girls.... I mean all of the atheletes, their entire body is tune, mould to perform a specific task. Compare that to the models I see on cover pages or the next hot chick on MTV or that hunky guy that my gf is drooling over....

Just reminds me how the media has been able to skewed my perception of what a 'good body' is. It's a good reminder that God has given us able bodies to do amazing thing.



I played in the worship team for a prayer rally to celebrate our nation's independence days. 31st August. Malaysia's 47. Man it was awesome. God ministered powerfully to me during the rally. I felt that I should spend more time praying for my own country. After the rally, the team went on a food rampage -- cause our worship leader bought us dinner! 7 of us finished food intended for 12. hahaha! :P it was great fun because there was plenty of food and laughter to go around the able. (actually we could do with more food.... but that'll be another story)


Principles. After writing and thinking about principles, I am beginning to sense a change in how I approach people. I am usually/often/almost always too eager to jump on the behavioural part of things-- eg. don't do that... I gotta do more of.....
Now, I understand that ppl do certain actions because of an inner principles. Also, I am beginning to learn that I can't change ppl, I can only try influencing. So instead of jumping the gun and say don't do it.. I ask, 'why' questions. Praise God. Allow me to understand so much more about the people around me and myself.

Running

I think July and August must have been some of the toughest month I've been through this year. Work was tough. Ministry work was more taxing. Liping's mom was hospitalized. Something seems to be happening everyday.

So, I guess it's understandable that I may feel a little down on some days. Today, for some reason, is one of 'those'.

I feel as though, the challenges and changes never ends. I wished I had taken the path more often travelled so that things look more... stable? I wished I had simple solutions to do to solve the problems I am facing, I wish, I wish.... (when you wish upon the star..... ) I scream ," why is life so difficult?!"

I'm sure the reader of this have gone through your own fare share of bad time.

For me however, when things look so gloom, all I can do is hang on to His promises. Rather, all I can do is almost hang on to His promises and pray that His promises hangs on to me.

Consider it pure joy when you face trials of many kinds. Because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that yuo may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

Some part of me screams: 'yeah right!', the rest simply echoes with fear and confusion inside my little head. Doubts cloud my thoughts and my heart simmers with anxiety.

Somehow somewhere, deep inside, a little tiny whinny voice, with such authority, such clarity tells me to hang on. It's not even a word. When that voice is squeezed between thoughts of doubts I calm down just enough to remember the great and mighty things that He has done in my life.

I remember the first day when I believed in Him. That same still silence voice. Sweetness.

Yesterday, I was praying and memorizing scriptures and praying in tonguse while I'm running. The holy spirit just came and filled me. I wanted to give up so many times because really, my stamina is really bad... but the spirit just kept me on. Somehow my run yesterday felt like a spiritual journey, (elaborating it will take another hour for me to blog), but as i prayed and pressed on. On my 30th minute, a certain burden just lifted and I cruised on with the spirit to finish of my run. I felt great. I felt the sense of fufilment that comes from the joy when I overcome with the help of the Lord's strength. I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me.

To me, that was a valuable lesson. Life is like the run. The journey. The destination. To run the good race and keep pressing on. And through it all, surely, He is with us always.

awesome worship

I had an awesome time of worship in church yesterday during the second celebration.

I think it all started on stage when elliot, our drummer started grooving. (Technically, it really started way before in the prayers and all... ) It was like BOOM. our bass man Ian follow suit. I looked at elliot at this point and saw that indiscribably smile/joy on his face. He was just banging away, the bass was slapping. Steve on 2nd keys was practically standing up and dancing while Evelyn was out of smilling from ear to ear....

He was just breath-taking/

.... the rest of the worship felt like I was being swept off my feet by awe in his presence, the excitement of what he is going to do, the joy that he is dancing with us. All at the same time.

the Lord's presences was so strong to me on stage that I was shouting and cheering.... even in the slow songs! the music was just too loud on stage for anyone to hear me, which was great cause I could cheer for my Lord at the top of my voice!

PRAISE HIM! YEAH!

His presence was so strong, I'm still feeling the resonance today!

We usually have a time of sharing after we play on stage. During that time... the joy of the Lord just allowed each one of us to talk freely. We laughed so so much at each other's joke that my stomach ache! and at the same time cried for those who are going through tough times.

all praise and glory to our lord jesus christ.

eat my words

Pr. 18.21 The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it wil eat its fruit.

I haven't really gave a serious thought about this verse. I took it that we have to watch our words because it bear consequences if we say the wrong things to the wrong ppl at the wrong time.

However Pastor Jean Lim took it to a new level for me. She reminded me that it is our Lord Jesus who is in control of everything. So why say things like , 'surely I am not going to (fill in your own blanks here)' when it's in God's control and not man. Why say it at all because

Our words have the power of life and death......

Indeed. Spiritually we see how we use our lips to praise, to chant, to curse, to pray, to speak in tongues. In the world, we see and/or hear a lot on positive self-talk, your inner conversation- out of the abundance of your heart, your lips speaks. what are we saying to ourselves? to others? do I use the word: challenging or difficult? do I say, I can or I can't ; I need or I want .... Is our words shaping us? or are we shaping our words?

..... and those who love it wil eat its fruit

whether you think you can or can't. you are right. (henry ford)

I am not sure what it means by those who love it - love the words or love to talk? however one thing is sure, we eat it's fruit - the good the bad and the works. I wonder (and fear) about the words I choose to use. Am I bringing life or death?

Pr 18.20 From the fruit of his mouth a man's stomach is filled; with the harvest from his lips he is satisfied

oprah

I have gathered my courage.

Swallowed my pride.

Endured my gf's 'grin' (i don't know what she means when she smiles like that)

and i will say it now on public domain!!!

I love OPRAH WINFREY show!

that's a load of shit!

I had thought that today would be a tough day. I have like a zillion things to do and everything's due yesterday. Sounds familiar already?

However, after my first cup of Neslo - Nescafe Coffee + Milo... things seems much more manageable. Nothing like the first cup in the morning! I can feel that little buzz in my head.

Praise God when Noel decided to buy me lunch at Ganna Curry house. The bananna leaf rice there, some say it's the best in PJ, is great. (gosh do i hear a lot of disagreements already?) Yes food does wonders and by lunch, im pretty happy handling all the stuff that's thrown my way and all around me.

However, in line with every visit to good curry houses.....what goes in must comes out....

inevitably, sooner or later.

at about... no exactly 4:10.11 pm afternoon according to my pc time.... i had to go.. to do the big one. to sit on the throne. to bomb. to go boldly where no man has gone before...

A new experience EVERYtime. Indeed

13 minutes later..... i think i feel 2 kg lighter. I think I left 2 kg back in there. no i don't want to go into the toilet right now. yes, ive flushed twiced, in case there's left overs. i am sure there's no floaters nor submarines. there is none, and i am absolutely sure, none stuck at the bottom too. yes i checked. yes, toilet seat's up. yes i managed the splashes pretty well.... sorry what? my hands? what about my hands?.....

erm yeah.. i rinsed it. I mean..er... I washed it... with soap. wanna smell?

there must me a whole load of shit produced around the world each day...

6 billion ppl x 0. 2kg (say on average.. yes i know, on some days im 10times the average man). = 1.2billion kg of shit produced daily on planet earth!

woohoo... maybe thats the real cause of global warming. we're still feeling the 'warmth of the freshly baked cake'

my secret stash

Since saturday, I have been thinking a lot of about my core values and principles. About the hows and whys i do the things i do, the way i do it in my relationship, in my business dealings... etc. The cool thing about principles is that they are in some ways like relational formulas. Once you've formulate them, you just keep applying it and it becomes automatic. It helps to give me a quick and accurate decision making process.

I wonder just how many of my principles are in tuned with those of the Lord. How many of them are skewed by 'world' view and just how many more are formed over the years due to my own wants and desire.

The heart is deceitful, who can understand it?

Those dark secret doors. I only fear what's behind them.

*********

I tend to be over dominant and pushy when I want something done. My parents, my biz partners and my gf use the same word -- bulldoze.

In the process, I hurt feelings. I (appear) totally unemotional. Although most of the time, my intentions are good, my tone and body language just lets ppl know that the only thing i care about is getting MY job done.

I wonder what is at the core of me. This is certainly a very dark spot that I hope God can wave a magic wand and *puffs* I'm changed. Apparently not so.


I think I suffer for a lack of respect for other ppl's boundaries and myself. (If you have read the book boundaries by Henry Cloud you may have a better idea what I am talking about) It's an issue where I have to learn how to love my own boundaries and be responsible for how I feel and yet at respect and love others for theirs.

I've learn recently that you really can't change anyone, but one can try to influence them-- only after they know you care.

Lord I just pray that you help me in this area of dealing with people and that I may capture the spirit of servanthood and leardership.

don't mess with my secret stash

A close friend invited me to a talk he was organizing today - Urban Protection Tactics - on self-protection. It was a pleasant surprise to see how they address self-protecion. One would certainly expect your regular martial arts training... how to kick that, how to break stuff, be a lean mean killing machine. However, it was instead an hour of good basic fundamentals on how to 'think' for our own safety....think it through.. be proactive.....etc etc. very helpful. I strongly recommend it. and yes! they don't pay me for putting it on my blog. here's their website http://www.blitzkriegconsultants.com/index.htm

One of the things mentioned in the talk was that our behaviour is a result of our mental decision. and our mental decision a result of how we feel. Some ppl says it this way. You have to start BEING before you can start thinking like it, before you can start acting like it. Be a winner. Think like you're a winner. Then do the things required of a winner to win. In other words, if you think you've lost or feel that it is so... you're lost.

emotion -> mental -> physical.
being -> thinking --> doing.

Reminds me of all the things I try to change in my life. I tend to get stuck in the doing part. I wake up early. I must control my diet. I must be more competitive. I must do my quiet time. I...etc etc etc.

I have been trying to change my resulting phyiscal action without changing my inner core values.

It is no surprise that most of us failed in fufilling our new year resolution or any other change we want for ourselves. I know, coz i haven't been able to do my quiet time regularly, eat regularly with less rice, do more running, listen more, be more competitive, be more gentle.....

However, I wanna give God the praise and glory for all the changes that He brought to my life. Each time He messes with my innercore, I feel like shit. man! SHIT is an understatement. I feel almost painful.... who likes to be messed with anyway? but I'm glad He did and he continues to do so that the work He begin will be complete on the day of the Lord Jesus.

.. and in a literal sense, when my innercore is changed.... my life is changed. and so is my music. I just got a new groove in my heart.

what im talkative?

hey... im not talkative... i just type REALLY fast...

(who am i kidding?)

sincerely,
self-disillusionist.

am I hiding?

It's been a terribly hectic day for me. I woke feeling really energized. Now, I'm quite happy slumped over my chair typing out this blog.

the funny thing about now is that I have been looking forward to this very moment when i have some time to spare to write down some thoughts.. about the way I see things, the way things see me or maybe about perhaps how God see things.

but now that i am doing it... all thoughts seems to elude my mind.

why? perhaps i was too busy doing stuff that I forgot to live? I can't even remember what i ate for lunch...

(pause for effect)

nah... maybe that's cause I haven't warm up to writting yet. I am talkative says Grace Tan. haha :P

Things seems just so sureal when i reflect upon today.


God spoke to me today when I was on my way to an appointment from 2 Cor 2 . here follow this link to go there http://www.bible.org/cgi-bin/netbible.pl?header=on&book=2co&chapter=1

It continues to amaze me the unsurmountable grace that the Lord have for us. His abundance of love for us. It's just still so unnatural for me to bath in his love -- all the time -- esp during those dark times (that each of us will and must face). We hide ourselves from Him, just like adam and eve did... and I thought we knew better!!! He is God who sees everything, come one be realistic.. yet we still hide. Hey if no one knows, what the @#$% right?

I'm just so amazed how Paul writes it :

For if I make you sad, who would be left to make me glad but the one I caused to be sad?....

who indeed?

I wonder if God says the same thing to me when I'm hiding from Him.

I wonder, if my Dad says the same thing to me, in his heart when i piss him off.

I flash back to the many times i made my dad angry, and wonder what goes through his heart. All anger, all frustration, all tears and yet so much love. I know sometimes I stretch that love, and yet I know without a doubt my dad love me. unconditionally.

what more of God.

and paul continues.... forgive him.. because this will keep him from being overwhelmed by excessive grief to the point of despair... and if I have forgiven anything....

(eric may have said: he was worried that we are overwhelmed? comeon that guy has @#$@%^ let's kick his ass and leave him be a little while....)

so aren't we all lucky that we have a God... (and a good reason why i am not God.. coz if I am.. muahahahahahahah.... MUHAHAHAHAHAA. you get the picture)

huh? what... a blog? what's a blog?

After the inital of 'huh? what's a blog?' I think ive always liked the idea of having a blog online. It's like a diary, just typed. No frillz. Besides you don't have the problem of - 'oh no! i 've ran out of pages... or ink!! '

I think a blog's great to record down random but useful thoughts so that I can remind myself of all the lesson God is teaching me. And I hope that..... and in some manner that my life may bless you or get us feel connected... to make us all feel like we're in this together.

so, here it goes... baby!!!!